I think i'm starting to get a little impatient and am wanting a straight-forward answer from her. It's kind of a catch 22 and I'll explain. I somewhat respect the fact that she may not be ready for something serious, we aren't in the same state all the time and she has no real idea of where she wants to be in life. At the same time, do you really need to have all of that determined to be in a relationship? I mean, I've personally established that I'd do anything and go anywhere for this girl. Whatever it takes I'll make it work which sounds unreasonable but it really isn't, not to me. The way I see it...I like her, she likes me...so let's do this! Why all the fuss and confusion? If you're not seeing anyone else than why not just fully commit? It's not like it's some sort of secret. All of our friends know we're seeing each other, her family knows, my family knows...so what's the deal? I guess I should ask her that myself but that's where the problem lies. If she gets frustrated with something she doesn't talk she'll say "forget it" or just brush it off somehow. I don't want her to get discouraged or want to say "fuck it" because I'm making a big deal out of this. But shouldn't I be making a big deal out of this? Isn't it fair to me to have some sort of idea of what's going on? At the same time, since there is no definite answer...no is still a possibility and I refuse to just be friends again. I've done that too many times and am left hanging in limbo forever because of it. I went 2 years after Nicole before I even attempted to date anyone. I don't want to go through that kind of disappointment again. I fear that I'm setting myself up for that disappointment but then again I might just be thinking too much. I'm not sure how to approach this just yet but I don't think complaining to her will get it done. I think eventually my persistence will pay off and I really don't think she plans on just brushing me aside when she's done with me. I don't know, I just don't know.

Fuck! No matter what I do I can't fucking get anywhere! ARGH!

The hole just gets deeper, ugh.

Things are looking a little better since my last post. I wasn't particularly in a good mood when I wrote that so i apologize for the whininess haha. Ive decided to work for the parents on and off throughout march so I can have some sort of income to pay my bills with. I can rebuild my bankroll this way too and try to grind it out again. Life is pretty fantastic otherwise. Work is smooth, i'm on vacation from school, some possible freelance opportunities are on the horizon, the lady situation is good...I have nothing to complain about...so I won't :)

This financial thing has been way too much of a problem. I just can't get it right. I don't know why i'm so stubborn and don't want to get a job. Everything seems so blah and like such a fucking grind. I don't know what to do with myself. My best option i'm considering is working for my parents again. I was able to cover my bills from july to september but now I'm stuck. There's a lot on my mind and I don't think I can safely discuss it all, even on here. I'll figure it all out I'm sure. Somehow I manage to get myself out of these things but I'm tired of having to. With school coming back in two weeks I hope I can dedicate enough time to work and get paid without my parents treating me like a burden again. The next 6 months are going to be interesting to say the least. March is looking like the current end of the line in terms of what I have figured out. Figured out is a term used loosely lol. As usual I'm just....lost. ugh.

I'm gonna be really fucking pissed off if this somehow slips through my fingers like this.

Ugh. I hate holidays. I wish I liked being around my family. Bah humbug.

My vacation was pretty perfect. Probably a 9.8 out of 10. It was absolutely everything I needed. I most definitely didn't want to go home. We went to the San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, The County Fair, The Beach, Balboa Park, a photography museum, got frozen yogurt, she made breakfast a lot, we got chinese once, tacos and margaritas, laid around at night and watched The Lost Boys for the first time, I met her dad and grandma, got stuff for the fam, hung out on the pier and watched the sunset even though some clouds got in the way and lots of other little positive madness along the way. The week went by way too fast but hands down one of the best weeks of my life :).

Song of the day.

ugh i feel boring.

17 days before California and the end of the quarter of school. I'm been exhausted and so busy that I just can't wait for the vacation. I really don't know what to expect. It should be fun though!

Metric - Sick Muse ...One of my new favorites

California here we come :D

Guilty pleasure.

a fun fun song

Let's stick with the theme, shall we :)

Brings back strange memories.

She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does :)

I love this album.

My main motivation for finishing up school, finally, is to get a new job and get out of this house again. This way I can have a clear distinction with my parents of what time is mine and what time is for work. Also, so I can have my parents be my parents and my bosses be my bosses. It's pretty much like living with my bosses around here and I have no moment to rest. I'm always on edge waiting for them to ask me for something when I just want a moment to breathe. It's pretty lame and I'm too old for this.